Mother – Daughter Relationships

mother and little daughter walking on beach at sunset

 

Mother and daughter relationships can be complex but are also filled with compassion and love.

Two years ago, my mom decided to take care of her parents, both 88 yrs old. My grandmother was raised in a different era and in hard times. When she migrated to the US, in the 50’s, she didn’t speak a word of English and she struggled to give her family a better life. I have to admire her for her courage and determination. I cringe knowing what I’m about to write next, I have never witnessed my grandmother hug or say I love you to my mom, however, she was affectionate with her grand-kids.

Naturally, this created a challenging environment when they moved in. Watching my mother take care of her parents was not a walk in the park. My grandmother is demanding and my mom struggled with this on a daily basis.

After a stressful year, my mom had to learn how to surrender and accept who my grandmother is – whether she likes the person or not. My mom is a patient and strong woman. Yet, in my opinion, my mom may have benefited from a couple of therapy sessions.

She did not allow the beliefs and programs of her mother to create her reality. She chose to master her reality by selecting happiness over grief and peace over judgment.

Don’t get me wrong, there were moments of love and tenderness and my grandmother helped her out by providing financially. However, at night when no one is around, I believe my mom longs for that type of mother/daughter relationship – with unconditional love and acceptance.

mom and mama
my mom and grandmother

*************

Growing up for me was simple… life was less complicated… perhaps I wasn’t… but life was.

I have a good relationship with my mother now. But it hasn’t been always like that. Growing up, she didn’t show much affection and she rarely told us she loved us. See the pattern? In my teenage years, I would walk up to her while she was cooking arroz con pollo, and give her a hug. I’ve felt her body tense up and I would tell her I love you and insist she tells me the same in return. Hey, I needed to hear it…ok?

She was going through a difficult time with my dad and they had their issues; and dealt with it behind closed doors. We didn’t know it at that time.

After my parents filed for divorce, she made a conscious decision to love herself and become happy. I witnessed my mother blossom (she’s a late bloomer) to the woman she is today.

She embraces everyone with open arms and will tell you “I love you”. I love this woman. She’s my best friend. She’s the first person I call for advice and just to say hello.

Mothers and daughters need to be forgiving of each other.

 *************

I asked my sisters to tell me in a word or two to describe our mom.

Daughter #1 (me): “funny and a straight shooter”

Daughter #2: “Give me an hour to think about it lol…selfless”

Daughter #3: “Giving, caring and funny”

Daughter #4: “Loyal”

My mom is a loving, genuine, understanding and caring woman. I’m blessed to have her in my life; the words and stories above just barely scratch the surface.

 

24 thoughts on “Mother – Daughter Relationships

  1. This made me realize more that what me and my daughter have is a very special relationship. I keep on praying to Jesus that my daughter will remain as sweet and loving as she is today even if she has a family of her own. Great post here!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love it. I know people who grew up in mother/daughter issues and it created bitterness within them against their mothers and also created problems within some daughters in which they are emotionally unavailable to their children.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing this honest and beautiful post. I relate completely with how I have a great relationship with my mother now …but growing up can only recognize it in actions while looking back …not so much a verbal acknowledgement ever. And I too realize the kind of acceptance she had to keep towards her mom, while caring for her.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Today is my Mom’s birthday. So yes, we had a good time. 🙂 Her grandson enjoyed it the most. So for us, it was Mother’s Day today. In Mangalore, we are celebrating Mother’s Day on Sunday.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I was very moved by this post, and can so relate. My mother grew up under a cold, bitter woman who could not express love, ever. My mom would tense at our hugs, not able to deal with our natural childhood affection. But we grew up with our other grandmother, my father’s mom, who lived with us, and healed us all. I was blessed to break the pattern with my 2 children, in part with great thanks for a very affectionate husband. Thanks for sharing your story, you are surely not alone. And Happy Mother’s Day. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Glad you were able to relate. I didn’t want to hit the publish button at one point. 😉My sisters and I broke the pattern. We tell our kids and to each other how much we love them and are affectionate towards each other. I guess seeing it between my mom/grandmom made us aware of what we don’t want in our lives. Happy Mother’s Day to you as well. 💕

      Liked by 2 people

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